04 May 2011
(Almost) live blogging the IPL

It’s the Super Kings (that’s Chennai (that’s Madras (that’s my team to the uninitiated) to the uninitiated) to the uninitiated) versus the Rajasthan Royals.  Or, to put it another way MS Dhoni versus Shane Warne.  Or, to put it another way, two of the best teams in the league are going head to head.

In Chennai.

In 44C degree heat.

With 98% humidity.

Albie Morkel looks like he’s spent the night in a bath of spermicide.

Sound quality of the commentary (but oddly enough nothing else) is dreadful.  It’s like watching football via satellite in the 1970s.  India is a long way away.

1226.  Ways to tell you may be watching too much IPL #1: you start thinking in an Indian accent.

1228.  Oh boy we’re having a nightmare in the field today. (56-0, 7.1)

1229.  If you’re going to have the bit after the decimal point in base 6 (or is it 7?) shouldn’t the bit before be too?  32/32 cricket.  Catchy, don’t you think?

1232.  I should perhaps explain why I am such a Chennai fan.  They have more or less the same kit as Watford.  Nothing but the best of reasons for me.

1232.  Can you really be considered a poor country if you have one of the biggest sporting leagues in the world?  Could it be THE biggest?

1235.  Another appeal turned down.  This is turning into a disaster (64-0, 8)

1237.  This is the great thing about the IPL: I can love Shane Warne.  Even when he’s on the other side.  Making the Mumbai Indians look like a bunch of amateurs the other night was class.  And the guy can bowl a bit.  Who knew?

1237.  Isa Guha.  Drool.

1237.  Not quite sure what the story is with her.  She started off as a talking head when they had an Indian Indian bird as co-presenter.  And then, all of a certain the poacher had turned game-keeper and she was presenter.  Indian Indian bird nowhere to be seen.

1237.  Looks like they’ve lost all commentary.  Sorry, my mistake, it’s just got even worse.

1237.  1237 again.  I’m taking my times from the Vista tray.  And it seems to have frozen.  What a piece of garbage.  My phone says 1248.

1250.  Karbon Kamal Katch!  At last!  Not that it’s going to save us (87-1, 10.3)

1252.  Hey, they’ve sorted out the sound!

1253.  Maybe, this is what Obama and Co were watching.  Obama looks miserable.  Reckon he’s a Pune Warrior.

1255.  Switched Vista on and off again.  Time now works.  For now.

1256.  Catch.  (92-2, 12.3)

1257.  Johann Botha in.  Warne didn’t want him apparently.  Why not?

1258.  It must be really tough being a woman sports presenter.  You spend a lifetime proving you know what you’re talking about.  You get to the pinnacle of your career and all of a sudden (if you’re any good) you have to pretend you know no more than the average couch potato.

1309.  At the beginning of the game one of the commentators was saying that he reckoned Dravid was going to score loads.  Sounded like a curse.  Sadly, it wasn’t.  Dravid’s on 61.

1311.  Botha out!  There is hope if not very much. (113-3, 15)

1317.  Dravid out!  Let’s sing the Banana Splits tune.  Tra-la-la la-la-la-la..

1320.  Beautiful stroke from Taylor.  Four.

1322.  First wide of the innings.  No sixes yet.

1327.  Well left!  He he he.

1332.  Mixed cheerleading.  You saw it here first.

1333.  Two wickets in two balls.  More importantly, the Royals’ run rate has been slashed.  Greatest comeback since… er… the last game.

1339.  What IS a Citibank Moment of Success?

1342.  147-6, 20.  No DLF Maximums (did I really say “six” earlier?  I should wash my mouth out with soap.)  Mind you one of the Royals’ coaches did say 148 would be a good score.

1346.  Interview with Jakarti.  In English.  EVERYONE speaks (or at least appears to speak) English.  When did that happen?  HOW did it happen?

1348.  Jakarti has all the platitudes.  Can you really be considered a poor country when your sports stars are masters of platitudes?

1357.  Here we go.  Start of the Chennai innings.

1359.  Boy, it’s quiet.  More Arsenal than Watford.

1401.  If Warne had been Australian captain:  There wouldn’t be a pitch in the country that hadn’t been turned into a car park.  The Wisdens would have been taken from the shelves and burnt.  The word “cricket” excised from the dictionary.  And anyone caught in possession of either leather or willow thrown into a prison hulk and sent to the colonies.

1407.  Raina to the crease.  Go Raina!

1412.  Run out?  No. Hits and then runs on to the boundary.  And I thought we were having a bad day in the field.  Last over, a misfield turned one into four.

1414.  They’ve done it again!  “Every time the ball goes to Binny they’re going to run.”

1418.  Another wide.  At this rate we’ll win through Rajasthan mistakes alone.

1420.  Dropped catch!  Warne’s going to explode.

1423.  They’re interviewing Raj Kundra, owner of the Royals, in mid-over.  Perfect middling Lunnun accent.  As in, I believe he was brought up in London and not to particularly well-off parents.  This is a weird old world.

1426.  Ah, a Maxx Mobile Strategic Timeout.  How did we live without them?

1439.  Raina and Hussey are playing some wonderful shots.  50 partnership. (73-1, 10)

1446.  DLF Maximum!  At last.  Hussey, who else?  Er, Raina I suppose.

1447.  And another one!  Raina, who else?  Er, I’ll shut up.

1455.  100 partnership.  Both have 50s.  Beautiful shot making.  Brilliant.  (109-1, 13)

1459.  So, they’ve got sponsors for the kits, the stumps, the boundary ropes, the grass, the catches, the sixes, the ad breaks, the “moments of success”, the man of the match, the umpires as well as the tournament itself.  And people accuse the Americans of being commercial.  Coming next: the air that we breathe and the thoughts that we think.

1513.  Well, it’s 136-1 and 19 balls to go.  Chennai are going to win.  With serenity.  Never a doubt in my mind.

1520.  Raina skies one and is out.  What a shame.  To be replaced by… Morkel???!!!

1522.  Four and it’s all over with 8 balls to go.

1523.  Stadium announcement ie nothing to do with the telly, seems to be in English.  Hmm.

1537.  Has Warne had a facelift?  He has that look of someone who’s been beamed down from the planet Zarg.

1541.  “Track” as a synonym for “pitch”.  When did that come about?

1541.  Dhoni talking.  I hear him, he says words and I drift off.  He stops talking and I have absolutely no idea what he has said.  Clearly, genius at work.


PermalinkFeedback (0)IPL


Commenting is not available in this channel entry.